FREIGHTER TAILS: the Misadentures of Mzzkiti
by Gibbs & Redfern



Get yo' ass outa' here!

NAME: Droulin Phahnboi


SEX: Never yet, poor boy!

AGE: 20 Terran Years-going on 14

SPECIES: Terran Human (To his crewmates, "the love child of Opie Taylor and Howdy Doody.")


RANK: Fourth-year Space Cadet (And likely to remain so for some considerable time.)

POSITION: Helmsman, SPF Cargo Vessel Pharsicle

PREVIOUS POSITION: Assigned to Pharsicle as part of his training. In the Space Academy he earned high marks for his piloting skills but low marks for his attention span. Once while attempting a manual docking of a battleship in a simulator, Phahnboi was distracted by an attractive young instructor. Fortunately, the 122 resulting "deaths" were only theoretical.

PSYCHOLOGY: Bright, enthusiastic and willing, Phahnboi was at one time considered to be on the fast-track to command, despite his somewhat overactive hormones. But then Lieutenant Mzzkiti entered his life. Somewhat intimidated by human women, he has set his hopes on the most exotic female aboard Pharsicle. Unfortunately, she is also the second-most unattainable, right after Dee Rainged. Whenever the Moggian is on the bridge he is utterly unable to keep his mind on the helm. This has resulted in an alarming increase in the number of dented hull-plates, and a consequent sharp rise in Captain Thessphiahn's insurance premiums. It may soon be necessary to reassign either Phahnboi or Mzzkiti to the darkest depths of the Engine Room.

GOALS: Previous to Lt. Mzzkiti’s arrival aboard Pharsicle, had long-range dreams of someday becoming an admiral. At present, however, his one and only aspiration is to entice the Moggian into a weekend of wild, savage and uninhibited lovemaking on some remote planet. After that, he believes, he can die happy. (And doubtless would.)

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