FREIGHTER TAILS: the Misadventuresof Mzzkiti
by Gibbs & Redfern
Technical Specifications:
Protectorate Cargo Vessel Pharsicle
SHIP: Cargo Vessel Pharsicle, PCV-3114  (Note: Hull repairs have all but obliterated the first 1 of the registry so that people mistakenly read it as 3.14 or Pi.)

TYPE: Bulk freight hauler, P’eytahrbilt-class

NAMED FOR: Albert M. Pharsicle, last president of the United States of America. Accidentally started World War III by throwing up on the Chinese Premier’s shoes after a bad batch of Mu-Gu-Gai-Pan.

TOP ACCELERATION: 2 G’s-if the crew gets out and pushes.

RANGE: Low; necessitates frequent refueling stops, often at seedy deuterium stations. Only SPF vessel whose captain is required to carry AAA coverage.

CREW COMPLIMENT: 100; 25 officers and 75 enlisted. Turnover is high, mainly due to insanity and desertion.

CREW COMPETENCY RATING: With notable exceptions, roughly equivalent to a group of first-year Space Cadets on the morning after a dorm party.

MISSION: Simply put, to haul freight! If the cargo is dangerous, explosive, unstable, radioactive, corrosive, mutagenic, or merely smells bad, Pharsicle gets it.

CARGO CAPACITY: Capable of towing up to three 1,000-tonne Bulk Cargo Modules (aka “trailers”) at a time. Occasionally, all three will make it to their destination.

KNOWN DEFECTS: Faulty magnetic clamps occasionally result in loss of cargo modules, frequently in the path of oncoming ships. Chronic troubles with mechano-kitchen, sonic showers and plumbing. Extremely temperamental computer requires constant attention. Unusually high number of damaged hull plates, caused by an easily-distracted helmsman (This has increased tenfold since the arrival of Lt. Mzzkiti; see separate entry under “Human, Male, Young, Libido of.”) 

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