GENDER:  Male

SEX:  None for him, thank you. Entirely too messy.

AGE:  Officially, 62 Earth years. In the opinion of his crew, “Over the hill. Waaaay over the hill.”

SPECIES:  Antarean Humanoid (Humorlesscens sapiens)

RANK:  Captain (Believe it or not.)

POSITION:  Commanding Officer, SPF Cargo Vessel Pharsicle.

PREVIOUS POSITION:  Captain Thesspiahn’s last command ended somewhat tragically. At the decisive Battle of Procyon, he crashed his entire squadron of destroyers into an asteroid before ever engaging the enemy. While boarding the escape pod, he was heard to ask his first officer, “Where did that #$%@&! rock come from?”

PSYCHOLOGY:  Completely stoic (some would say “clueless”) in the face of a crisis, Captain Thesspiahn is utterly oblivious to the many shortcomings of his ship and crew-and to the fact that he is frequently discussed behind his back, in less-than-flattering terms. While possessing a sense of humor exactly matching that of a garlic dill pickle, he believes himself to be quite a jolly fellow, and prides himself on maintaining a “fun-loving” atmosphere aboard his ship.

GOALS:  To retire without losing another ship. Given his present circumstances, that may be more than he can accomplish.